Well this will be my FIRST and OFFICIAL Blog Post on here! What to say and where to start? 5 months ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Ryan Anne and ever since life has had its many ups and downs. I have been married for 2 years and with my husband for 5 years. We live in a home in Centralia WA and plan on moving back to Olympia WA in March of 2011. I work for DSHS so my job is always in turmoil/fear of being cut however, I almost hope for that so I can do something else with my life!
Within one week of having Ryan we had to unexpectedly move out of our mold infested home and find a new home to live in. This cause the worst family rif and divide I could have ever imagined. It wasnt even from my family it was with my in-laws (well mainly my Father in Law and Aunts in Law). I feel like I still havent fully healed from it and hope that sometime in the near future I can forgive and be at peace with it for myself because its a daily irritation. It probably will be easier when I am out of the current town I live in because I have noting but bitterness towards this town. We moved to Centralia to live in and maintain my father in laws home and when the recent turn of events happend had to stay down here and committ to a year lease because we had daycare set up for my daughter Ryan....7 more months and we can move back to the city I love and know as home.
I have been learning in the recent months that having a baby completely changes the relationship you have with your significant other (OBVIOUSLY I KNOW) but I just have to state it out "loud". I am struggling with where we currently are completely disconnected and distant AS A COUPLE not parents. I couldnt have asked for a better father and husband yet for some reason apparently its not enough? I dont know maybe I have some serious issues, maybe I got into a committed relationship to early, or maybe I am just someone who will never be satisfied and has to weigh the pro's and con's. Would that be considered just settling? Now I am not completed trying to bash my husband or situation because I take full responsibility for how I feel. I know its me and I know thru time I will probably work it out and of course the cycle will repeat. How do you get out of this feeling? Is it something that can be fixed or is it just how I am and something I need to handle...Who knows... I am somone who has always been very independent and in control of my life and what I get and want out of it...and I know over the last 3 years I have lost a lot of the control I had...I know I am completely rambling and not making sense but thats the point of a blog...maybe I should write when my thoughts are more collected!
The sun has been shining and my daughter is napping there really is nothing better in the world. I love absolutely everything about being a mom...I love her laughs, her cries, her kicks and squeals...I never knew what love was until I had Ryan and I am so blessed and thankful that I have taken this next journey and step in life. It really has been the most eye opening thing I have ever gone thru and cant wait to continue this journey with her. I know this is what I was supposed to do loving and nurturing a beautiful blessing.
Well I guess thats enough for a first post!
Nothing more to say well a lot more but I havent quite figured out what I am/want to make out of this blog so until then...
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment